Shawna Smart holds her breath beneath the surface: Streaming Me

Streaming Me (or since you asked)

By S.A. Smart

Best hold a breath…

I am a pitch-hearted soul-spavined train wreck and prefer to be left alone but since you ask I will say Moody mama was a childlike narcissist and Preacher Papa alternated between misogyny, pedophilia and midnight religious closet sessions exploring my virginity as tied neck to ankle in the dark I meditated on hoses filled with sand and razor straps and learned the ins and outs of daddy’s autoerotic asphyxiation fantasies so why not shame the devil and shrive my sins by confessing that four decades past that alternate reality I only smile at animals because the concept of human incarceration is old news to me and when I picture in stereo my reaction to such an environment knowing I don’t play well with others and am often distracted by the daily fight to contain the homicidal feral twin splinter I’ve imprisoned in the cave of my soul where if you hang a left at the PTSD bunker and keep straight on till morning you will reach the rage oubliette where she screams my name and begs for birthdays I don’t care about and love stories that make me feel like burning beds so deep and real in this naked thought stream of vulnerable definition I say true dear reader that I am but a human machine cranking twenty-four seven on the spiritual spite and malice kettles I beat in the dungeon of my memory to drown the furies that never stop cracking on my skull pan while committing all remaining cognitive systems to powering the meticulous friendly-face construct I wear wolf-to-sheep so I can sidestep explaining myself to them since too much heart to heart infuriates that twisted twin and she just might slip the cage and land me in one instead so I’m a closed system and down with it friends and neighbors.

So take a breath now and turn your eyes away for your own good… after all, you asked.


(Auto-Erotic, explained)


Just to re-cap:  Intern never tires of arousing the editor-in-chief's auto-immune system
Just to re-cap: Intern never tires of arousing the editor-in-chief’s auto-immune system

17 thoughts on “Shawna Smart holds her breath beneath the surface: Streaming Me

  1. Parisianne Modert says:

    The most courageous, “Beneath the Surface” story in 350 words of any contest on any site in any lifetime. If I were voting Shawna you would have my top vote wishing I could give you all three of them, because you earned them.

    • Shawna says:

      Thank you Pari.
      Coming from such a lovely and prolific author, I am at your service my friend. I admit I felt no small anxiety after I subbed this. Worried it would miss the real and drown in too much punch.
      Warm regards!

      • Parisianne Modert says:

        Catharsis is seldom pretty in vomited punch, but it releases us from the drowning inside more and more each time it is accomplished. I am a fan of catharisis even if I end up dressed in someone elses painful memories, because that is what caring friends and family do. Readers who are more detached will also survive and be able to clean up. After all the emotional fear of how others will react (people here are awed by your story of survival); aren’t you starting to feel relief, lighter, less burdened? Good. I am proud of you and anyone one-tenth as courageous. Your excellent writing is a healing to yourself.

  2. Michael Stang says:

    Certainly this is a standing ovation. Opening the iron curtain, the insanity of what happened to “Me” is spell-bounding. I read it twice (okay thrice), each time a mockery of my first. Shawna, such a strong piece and I understand the need to write it out in one throw. Madame is correct in thinking you are top notch in the contest. I wish you the very best.
    The writing was whole: every line considered and in sequence. My issue is that because the words were in one long paragraph-sentence, the word “so” was used as your go to-to continue and in the end redundant. Other here’s and there’s that could have used a comma or period I feel would have made this stronger (meat and potatoes guy). Otherwise brilliant.

    • Shawna says:

      I agree Michael. I did struggle with the transitions. Stream of thought writing is a tricky business. I may perform this at the next regional poetry slam however, with a little more work on the flow.
      Thank you for the keen eye.
      I am glad to read you again as well. You are my favorite gut punch guy on site, when it comes to getting real.

  3. Jon Tobias says:

    I like the structure of the piece. Especially the fact that there are no periods. The only thing that controls the pace is the alliteration which is placed nicely within the writing. Great job.

  4. Tiffany Monique says:

    This was a funky thrill ride (funky as in smell – the way you made the images tear through the framework of a history of “this” world). I liked this break from the norm, and the final phrase, “after all, you asked” dares Thorn to make such requests again.

  5. Diane Cresswell says:

    This one made my hair stand on end but that was because I couldn’t breathe until I got through the sentence. And what a emotional ride your words took me on. Exquisite and mind blowing. Phenomenal!!!!

  6. Shawna says:

    Kyle, John and Tiffany thank you as well.
    Sometimes writing is an act of awkward exhibitionism for me (and no doubt many others), while trying not to go numb. These reviews really help me spur forward, even when I can’t see a thing.

    Thanks all of you and good luck to everyone.


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