Seyfert can’t see beneath the surface…yipe!

I see you see that we can't see to the sea. I'm a poet and I know it.





Seyfert, New to MoxAT-TAxoM, Visits an Ophthalmologist

by Julie Mark Cohen

“So, Seyfert. Your eyes are perfectly symmetric in their geometry down to the molecular composition of your yellow-tinged purple irises,” said Dr. Quid D. Tee.

“Yes, Doctor, I know,” Seyfert said, staring at the doctor’s skin pattern of oblong tiles. “Symmetry is undesirable on SeyTTT, my home planet.”

“Your retina thicknesses are uniform; your lenses are clear and flexible; and your corneas are unblemished and uniform,” the doctor said, thumping his tail.

“Good news, correct?”

“Yes. However, your refraction results indicate symmetric moderate myopia.”

“As I expected.”

“Why have you lived with this deficiency?”

“On SeyTTT, I’m a mutant.” Seyfert sighed, exacerbating his non-plumb torso. “I’m not only one in 7,159, but I’m one of the very few who are also nearsighted. A SeyTTT-ian ophthalmologist would have less than ten patients.”

“But, you could have visited another planet for eye care?”

“I suppose,” Seyfert said, adjusting the exam chair’s cushion to keep his tush from sliding off the side. “I don’t want the ocular headgear I’ve seen on other SeyTTT-ians.”

“You must have chronic visual perception problems?”

“Yes, of course. I’ve had to learn to laugh at myself… often.” Seyfert hung his head, unfurling his eyebrows into his lap. “I squint… over and over again.”

“Would you consider invasive surgery?”


“What about our new noninvasive procedure of restructuring the composition of your lenses to achieve an appropriate index of refraction?”

Seyfert straightened his back, perked his ears, and wrapped his eyebrows around his three cranial protuberances. “From your collaborative research?”

“Yes, with a 99.427% success rate,” Dr. Tee said. “Are you interested?”


“I need one more measurement that I would like to take myself. May I do this?”

“Of course.”

Dr. Tee stomped into position, sprayed breath freshener into his toothy mouth, and held the measuring device with his two short arms. He focused deep into Seyfert’s eyes, whimpered, suddenly back-stepped, and curled into a ball, bawling.

“Doctor, what’s wrong? You’re crying like a Terran crocodile.”

“I see nothing – not even blackness. It’s difficult to describe. It’s ethereal, spiritual… celestial.”

“That’s my SeyTTT-ian soul.”

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Copyright 2015 by Julie Mark Cohen

13 thoughts on “Seyfert can’t see beneath the surface…yipe!

  1. Parisianne Modert says:

    OK, so I have become a fan and will buy the book, because this is an original set of stories rolled into a central character who is impossible to dislike. Great story with a series of unexpected science results disguised as fiction. Yes, I am beginning to believe that Seyfert is real. I’m crazy? Dah! We all knew that!

    • Julie says:

      Parisianne, thank you. If you are crazy, then what am I?

      “Write what you know.”
      ― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer & Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

  2. Parisianne Modert says:

    Just remember that when people accuse you of being crazy, because you think outside the box that insane asylums are boxes. What irritates me as a writer when I get critiques is not when I am challenged or harsely questions, but is by fluffy little cloud compliments that don’t help my writing or my story’s or poem’s understanding to me or my readers. We all have limited audiences, but we need the feedback and beta reading qualities from our audience to become better writers. Your stories are true to you and to your devoted fans of which I am one.

  3. Diane Cresswell says:

    OMG these just keep on getting better and better. My vision process took off at a roaring gallop. Glad to know Seyfert has a soul. Do you have a drawing of Mr. S? Would love to see what the dude looks like. Just for my own weird level, maybe a date with him.

    • Julie says:

      Thank you, Diane.

      Seyfert, actually all SeyTTTians, respectfully decline to appear in print, electronic images, or any form of virtual reproduction. Until you meet him in person, you’ll have to use your imagination.

      If you can catch him before the last story (~4500 words) in his biography, he might entertain going out on a date with you. Just remember that he has been known to toot sulfur dioxide from his three cranial protuberances. He has oozed and black gooey substance and methane from the chitinous patch on his torso. That is, with a Terran nose, you might want to wear a gas mask.

  4. Amanda Byzak says:

    Ha! This was my first introduction to Seyfert. And I was thoroughly amused. I used to work in for an optometrist, so it was fun to follow along with the lingo.

  5. Michael Stang says:

    Okay, Julie. It is time for you to step out of the humanoid rags and show yourself. No one can run the tall tales of SeyTTTians for this long, this good, without being one of them. It is a pleasure reading your craft. Entertainment at its best.

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