Goddess of Nothing! Judge Chase Katz Shall Not Bow!

Literati!

Who knew nothing would be everything!

Our first entry comes from the magnificent Judge Chase Katz! I swear he knows just how to get my attention…like a green siren, luring me to a caffeinated death…

 

Ahem.

 

Don’t forget to turn your entry in to Thorn by the deadline, February 28th, 2022! It’s the shortest month of the year, so don’t let the fear of God/the gods, stop you! Please enjoy,

 

A Night with Diana

 

“I’m as powerful and petty as a Greek god. Tales of my divine beauty and wrath
will be told for generations to come.”

You have now read the greatest quote of 21st century. Written by poet and Starbucks assistant manager, Fay. First published in our friends’ groupchat—it has since left in my very soul in awe.

that’s my new years affirmation, Fay says
say it the morning when ur struggling m e n t a l l y.
you’ll start glowing just like Diana I promise

A month ago, Fay rear-ended a Prius with a child onboard. Never mind the child, Fay, the poet-goddess, was unharmed. For Christmas, her father bought her a $20,000 Volkswagen Beetle. Her dream car, fresh off the dealership floor.

I daydream for the next hour about beating Fay to death. No, I’m not a psychopath, because remember: Fay is as powerful as a goddess. What could a mere mortal like me do to her? Diana killed Actaeon with a splash of water. What could I possibly do to her?

Not that’s it’s possible, but—hypothetically—I think it’d be alright if I did kill Fay. You know, just to prove her wrong. Hypothetically…

Okay, it’s possible Fay didn’t mean she was powerful physically. Maybe she inherited the power from her father, who produced a brand-new Volkswagen from twenty grand like Zeus produced lightning from thin air. There was also a lot of power behind the car she rammed into the back of that Prius.

Yeah, maybe that’s what she meant.

 

****

Yeah, I know, not the right goddess. But I bet if Fay actually understood Greek mythology, she’d realize she has less in common with the goddess of the hunt and more of the goddess of beauty (and arguably vanity. Read the story of Cupid and Psyche and tell me I’m wrong).

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