Kristine Rose Ain’t Clownin’ Around! Entry #23

Send in...the clowns...

“That was quite a show–very entertaining…but it’s over now…go on and take a bow…”–“Take a Bow” Rihanna

Literati!

Kristine Rose has developed an amazing talent to use her intuition to ghostwrite letters on behalf of the tongue-tied to significant people in their lives. Imagine what Cerano de Bergerac would look like if he was a she, didn’t need a nose job and wasblond and beautiful!  That’s Kristine Rose. I was pleased to be her editor for a book that won the endorsement of John Gray, author of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus. Pleased also to be her friend for 20 years.  Stef?  Take it away!

Deliver Us from Evil: the Life of No Ordinary Woman

by Kristine Rose

Emotionally, it felt like an out-of-body experience. It was August 10th, 1995, my husband, Chad’s 41st birthday… I had checked into a local hotel a couple days prior after leaving a cryptic note just saying I had to spend time with a friend. After the awful truth was revealed to me, everything seemed so surreal. I was still digesting the toxic information, but I wanted to puke.

After 12 years of marriage to this very handsome, often kind, fun-loving, multi-talented, family doctor, a man who proposed to me in a hot air balloon over the Serengeti in North Africa, and with whom I had traveled to the far reaches of this planet: riding camels across the desert and camping out for weeks in Pakistan; hiking in the Himalaya’s; climbing Mt Rainier; scuba diving in the Caribbean, exploring the Far and Near East, cruising Central America, skiing throughout
Europe, ballroom dancing, horseback riding, … our list of amazing adventures goes on. Yet what I learned was unfathomable. Yes, Chad was so much fun with a real zest for life. He loved entertaining kids in the hospital with his magic tricks. He dressed up like Uncle Sam every year and juggled while walking on stilts and escorting our pet dogs in the local 4th of July parade…

He was not perfect, nor was I, yet our relationship felt reliable and pretty idyllic.

You cannot imagine when suddenly my world, as I knew it, came to a screeching halt.

At the time, I was pursuing a career to become a family therapist. I was interning at a local psychotherapeutic practice in Southern California. We were expecting our first child whom we were adopting, and she was due to be born in a couple weeks. On August 8th, I received an urgent call from my supervisor asking me to come to her office immediately! I fretted that perhaps I was in trouble for sharing my intuitive insights or had otherwise done something wrong. When I arrived at the office, my supervisor, a long-term prominent psychotherapist, started off by asking me if I would like a Valium…

“What! I don’t take drugs…” I replied. She then said, “Well, I have already had one and anyhow… I have a client, her name is Brenda, ( I am not making this up), and well… she is a ‘white witch’, the head of a local coven. I have been seeing her for months. She gave me permission to share with you that there is a ‘junior witch’, Sandy, who wants to join the coven, however, she has a sin on her soul. Sandy has been having a sexual affair with someone…your husband, and unless she ‘clears up’ that mortal sin, she will not be allowed in the witch’s coven. Sandy’s own husband is serving time in prison for man-slaughter, and she has a son who is nearly three years old.” Then Brenda the witch willingly joined us on a conference call confirming the bizarre news. She gave me Sandy’s phone number so I could hear the details first hand.

Later on, after checking into the hotel, I telephoned her. Sandy shared that she and Chad, over the last two years, regularly rendezvous’d at our home, in our bed, during his lunch hours, while I was at work. And, she knew everything in my closet, drawers, and about our home altogether.

It felt like a rape! After sharing this shocking truth, Sandy went on to say she and my husband frequented ‘Swingers Parties’ for indiscrete sexual encounters with strangers…

“Oh and by the way, we will be at your home next Tuesday…You should come over and catch us in the act.”

How incredibly wicked!

The following day, I called Chad to wish him a happy birthday and invited him to meet me that evening at a new Bistro in Laguna Beach. He wanted to drive together, however, I mentioned I had an amazing surprise and he will only receive it if he meets me there.

After arriving at this charming seaside bistro, a gentleman offered to buy me a drink. I mentioned that I was actually waiting for my husband to celebrate his birthday. The hostess overheard and exclaimed, “Oh, how wonderful! We will seat you in the center of the restaurant!

As I previously mentioned, Chad loved to entertain as a clown … I had already
planned to gift him with a professional clown suit complete with wig, hat, over-sized shoes, gloves, polkadot jacket etc all wrapped in a large box with a ribbon. His birthday card was entitled: “To the Biggest Clown I Know”.

After dinner, the whole restaurant joined in laughter, singing “Happy Birthday”, cheering incessantly while Brad blew out the candles on his cake and opened his gift just grinning from ear to ear.

Then, I shared, “And, now, Chad, for your very special surprise…” I casually handed him an envelope. With a lascivious smile, he slowly opened the card. On the outside of this birthday card was written… “The bearer of this card is entitled to the most unforgettable, fantasy…a truly hot, sensuous experience and your every wish granted with …” (On the inside of the card, I had previously applied a thick layer of lipstick and kissed the paper leaving a striking red lip imprint. Inside the kiss was written her name), SANDY”.

Chad suddenly turned pale, his mouth dropped open. He was truly at a loss for words. I was poised for this moment. As I leaned back in my seat, I confirmed to him what I knew about his God-awful duplicity. I placed my napkin on the table and said:

“I give our marriage a snowball’s chance in hell of surviving … however, I still want the baby. You will be financially responsible for her over the next eighteen years. Think it over, I will be in touch. Happy Birthday… Oh and don’t try to follow me . I’ve already contacted the police.”

What a Bozo!

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Sneaking up behind Chad the Clown after she dropped the divorce bomb! Just kidding, this nice clown was an excellent host at the Clown Motel in Tonopah, Nevada!

Want a chance to avoid looking like a clown but not sure what to say? Check out Kristine’s book on not only feeling your feelings, but expressing them!

Check out her book on Amazon!!!

Relationshift: The Right Words for What You Really Want to Say