Mar
Literati!
Seyfert is back! Julie Mark Cohen’s lovable but relationship-challenged three-legged alien wonder dropped by at a Trattoria near you to nurture his cranial protuberances and seek the fellowship like-minded creatures. He should have just ordered the pizza! Our contest ends tonight, but you still have time to shape-shift 500 words into a compelling contest entry: Here are details you can check out once you have read Seyfert’s story: https://awordwithyoupress.com/2016/03/03/the-sands-of-time-are-falling-12-days-left-to-enter-our-contest-lost-love/
Belly up to the bar and join Seyfert and company. Here is
Calculated Seduction of a Generation
by Julie Mark Cohen
Squinting in the dimly-lit refreshment bar at Tommy-Psi’s Terran Style Trattoria. Seyfert addressed a disheveled middle-aged Terran human male. “Nettle Fling? Is that you? You look terrible.”
“I suppose I do. Difficult afternoon.” Nettle sighed. “I shall change for you.”
Seyfert watched Nettle shape-shift into the spitting image of himself clad in an identical professional pink toga. “I understand the biophysical aspects of shape-shifting. But, my clothes?” He stared at Nettle’s three unequal feet. “Perfectly-fitting sandals?”
“Accoutrements? Easy. Too bad that-”
“We need to do something quickly before Tommy-Psi loses all of his customers.”
“Do what? What happened?”
“You’ve relaxed too much. Your cranial protuberances are leaking sulfur dioxide,” said Seyfert. “In the words of MoxAT-TAxoM natives, you stink.”
“So, that’s why you’re wearing that dreadful brain bucket.” Nettle pointed to Seyfert’s air-recirculating helmet of purple with yellow polka dots.
Nettle tensed, then shape-shifted back into a Terran male.
“So, tell me about the simulation room. Did you have some success so you can finally finish your PhD dissertation?”
“Yes, but no,” said Nettle. “I incorporated the methodology you developed in your seminal research on the sexual psychology of Terran males, especially mid-20th and early 21st century behaviors.”
Snorting with pleasure, Seyfert said, “You must be referring to my work on male sexual appetites, cause and consequence?”
“Yes, but no.”
“No?”
“No, because I couldn’t obtain reliable cross-correlations from measurements in my 4-D matrix as you did,” Nettle said. “But, yes to cause and consequence.”
“Curious. Perhaps you’re extrapolating into the unknown? You’re using Bayes’ theorem embedded in stochastic processes, correct?”
“Yes,” said Nettle. “I’ve enhanced this approach.”
“How?”
“I added a third parameter which I defined as the conditional time-specific probability of generational love.”
“Love?”
“Yes,” Nettle said. “Love of a generation for itself. I never thought this love devolves.”
“We know Terran humans are fickle, but what happened in your simulation?”
“I used a late August date, the warmest Terran month in the northern hemisphere of Earth when behaviors should’ve been most mellow.”
“What did your simulation show?”
“A leader who spewed messages of hate and anger, pandering to the people whom he implied were poorly educated, brainwashing them into sycophants. They rallied around him when he raised his elbow-locked right arm, soaked up every word, every insult, every lie,” Nettle said, his ears welling up with tears. “An entire generation who lost love of themselves and-”
“And?”
“Love of their fellow beings.”
“Frightening. Heartbeaking. I’ve seen this before,” said Seyfert. “What location did you use?”
“Berlin.”
Stunned, Seyfert grabbed a hold of the bar. “Berlin, Germany?”
“No. Berlin, Georgia.”
“Russia?”
“No. Berlin, Georgia, United States,” Nettle audibly swallowed. “I’ll never finish my thesis.”
“Knowing you, your parameters well-represented their previously demonstrated behaviors,” said Seyfert. “Which year did you simulate? Late 1930s?”
“No. 2016.”
“How did you stay unbiased? Do you know the outcome?”
“I read the actual history only through 2015. Should I have?”
Seyfert sobbed, soaking his facial fur. “Yes, but no. If you only knew…”
# # #
Copyright 2016 by Julie Mark Cohen
https://youtu.be/g6PDcBhODqo
Oh Julie you have done it again. Seyfert and Nettle – interesting story line and am wondering how far into the future the ripple effect went. Now I want to find out more about Seyfert’s reaction. Good one and love it.
I love these characters, and like the way the ending is open and unresolved. Food for thought!
Great dialect. So what happened?
Really impressed by this (and got a great laugh). Grabbed me from the start with the intelligent banter. Loved the references to Trump, the clever use of Berlin, Georgia and the Heil Hitler right arm. In a word, brilliant! And in another word, timely. And in another word, finalist!
Thank you everyone for sharing your comments. My biographer seems to be doing a pretty good job at writing my stories in English, some with a tinch of fiction for “spice.”
As for what happened after this story, you folks will find out soon enough.
Seyfert is still awaiting moderation.
This is what he tried to post:
Thank you everyone for sharing your comments. My biographer seems to be doing a pretty good job at writing my stories in English, some with a tinch of fiction for “spice.”
As for what happened after this story, you folks will find out soon enough.
Very clever, very witty, very good indeed!
Very thank you, Seyfert.
Is Seyfert EVER to find true love? Has he tried Plenty-a-Aliens or Batch.com?
My Dearest Thornster,
You need to believe in happy endings. If you believe, they will come true.
Asymmetrically,
Seyfert.
So great. I laughed out loud. Love the characters.
Jon, thank you. Much appreciated.
Ohhhh Seyfert. Who know you were so political. Ha! Can’t wait for this publication and the t-shirts to go with.
Tiffany, thank you. T-shirts? For symmetric Terran humans? Hmmm…
Make Amurka Asymmetrical Again!