Aug
Barry, Harry and Jerry: You Are what you Eat
by Mac Eagan
“I ever tell you kids how your Grandpa used to pick on me?”
“Harry, don’t start.”
“Haven’t you said how important education is? I’m teaching ‘em history.”
“Historical fiction, perhaps.”
“Now you’d think being triplets we was all the same size, and for a while that was true. But one spring your Grandpa and Jerry both shot up like weeds. Barry here decided he would use his height against me. See, I had this baseball I really loved.”
“The one you kept losing?”
“One day, it wasn’t where I always kept it.”
“You mean the yard?”
“After a few weeks, Jerry tells me Barry put it in the cupboard over the top of the fridge.”
“He said I did that?”
“He said where it was and that ‘somebody’ wanted to teach me a lesson.”
“He meant himself! He wanted to teach you to keep track of it.”
“Being smaller, I couldn’t reach it, not even on my tippy-toes.”
“Nobody could. He stood on the counter.”
“But, see, I was obedient and knew we wasn’t supposed to get on the counter. But I came up with a plan. I started eating everything from the Tall food group.”
“What group?”
“Asparagus, carrots, corn on the cob.”
“You always fed your vegetables to the dog.”
“And spaghetti. Lots of spaghetti. Only I told Ma not to cut mine up like Barry’s. I wanted my noodles long so I could grow really tall.”
“That’s not how it works, children.”
“And guess what! It worked! By summer’s end I was as tall as them. Now, I’m even taller than your Grandpa.”
“A quarter inch!”
“Lately, I even figured out how to get my revenge. Because he used his height against the less staturous, now he can’t bend over.”
“Arthritis occurs naturally.”
“I wait until he buys a new crossword book then I sneak in his room while he’s away and put it in the bottom dresser drawer, ‘cause I know he can’t reach down. Then, I tidy up his room some like the staff would.”
“You? Harry! I filed a formal complaint with management!”
Question, accusation, point, counter-point, hide and unable to go seek, the dialogue gets ping-ponged back and forth with dry humor, over the top as to the resentments existing beneath the surface.
No resentments between these two, although it may seem that way from this one story. However, I refer you to
https://awordwithyoupress.com/2013/10/24/mac-eagan/
and
https://awordwithyoupress.com/2013/11/06/mac-eagan-beats-old-people-with-a-buzzard/
for a little background.
There was one other story but it appears to have been eaten by the gremlins that destroyed the old site.
AAAAAACCKKK!!!
In looking up the previous entries I just found that I got the names mixed up! Take it from me – stay away from triplets!
Adored the banter. It is so true to life and not easy to write in this manner. Extremely well done Mac.
Thank you very much, Monica.
This just cracked me up…reminds me of me and my husband for some reason.