Contests, Entries, Finalists
Grant Laurence will soon have his alone time mandated by the law: Solitude
Aug
Solitude
by Grant Laurence
Samsung flat-screen TV
The American Dream
The bigger the better
Modern cancerous stream
Domestic uncertainty
All that noise from next door
TV, shouting and banging
Too loud to ignore!
I move to the back-yard
And navigate that high wall
But being no Steve McQueen
I topple and fall
The surgeon says “lie still”
Whilst assessing my wound
Double checks my insurance
And I’ll be home soon
To my own happy household
Italian Mother-in-Law
And if my wife ever turns into
Hand me the gun in that draw!
Back to the bath overflowing
Oh, what a curious boy
With little understanding
Still thinks water’s a toy!
And a flood to remember
Mother-in-Law, Neighbors all dead!
Blissful peace & tranquility
All alone in my bed
But wait just a minute
Whose pound splits my door?
An over the top greeting
This is trouble for sure!!
Well…I read “Solitude” twice not wishing to be mean, but at least I remain a fan of Steve McQueen.
I have read your other posts here and you are quite talented but this piece seems . . . lost. The opening stanza does not seem to connect with the narrative that follows – I think you could have left it off entirely. And I think “Italian mother-in-law” and “gun in that draw” was too rigid of a rhyme: the slant rhyme “in that drawer” would have probably worked better.
Of course, understanding another’s writings is also dependent on understanding the author – which we do by exposing ourselves to his writing. In other words, keep submitting your work here. I look forward to getting to know you better.
Appreciate your feedback, Mac. I saved my least best effort for last!
Delighted to have found a place where I can hopefully hone my writing skills, and learn from some very talented individuals, including yourself.
Thanks again,
Grant