(editor-in-chief–moi–seen here skyping with Julie Mark Cohen. “You’re just not my skype!” she said….Ouch!)
Hello once more from the Towers that are A Word with You Press.
Julie Cohen has become the designated chanel-er for Seyfert, the loveable, asymmetrical every-man from a galaxy far, far away. Seyfert has visited us before, and Julie is soon to publish (crossing our asymmetrical fingers here) a hundred shorts of Seyfert’s attempts at normality in the slightly less than normal cosmos.
Speaking of Cosmos, here is the letter that accompanied Julie’s entry into our contest A Dozen Roses from a Single Thorn: A Valentine’s Day Love Story.
“My dear thorned Rose or is it my dear rosy Thorn or maybe it is my dear sullied Thorn,
Attached is my 499 word story of how I found my soul mate, my dear sweet forever love. I have entitled it:
For What It’s Worth
From Buvvalo’s String-Field to MoxAT-TAxoM
Please don’t hurt yourself reading my story.
1. We’ve been having dark matter storms close enough to disrupt our universal translators.
2. My Ph.D. thesis committee included Dr. Seytphen, psycho-acoustic specialist, and Dr. Seygnuoy, musicologist and alien physicist, both invited from SeyTTT by Dr. Seyfert. Their song titles are embedded in my story.
Cosmos Braymer, Ph.D.
Son of the Ambassador from Skein-Spinner Six to MoxAT-TAxoM, His Smallness Brayan Braydon Braymer”
And, from the asymmetrical reaches of cyber-space, is
For What It’s Worth
From Buvvalo’s String-Field to MoxAT-TAxoM
Translated by Julie Mark Cohen
“Isn’t this your nap time?” Seyfert said. “You need to be rested for your dissertation presentation.”
“Do I have to come right out and say it? I’ve been ready four days gone,” boomed the contra-bass Cosmos Brayer, inimitable spherically fluffy fuzzball. “I’m expecting to fly.”
“You arrogant little-” Seyfert bit his words. “Since you’re shadowing me, you might as well park on my shoulder.”
“Hey, take your nubby digits off me! You’ve hung me upside down, again.”
“You’re point symmetric, with no bones… and no teeth- Ouch! You bit me,” Seyfert said, staring at tooth marks, tossing the teensy creature into his undamaged palm.
Cosmos bellowed, “But, it was only a rumor that I’m spineless.”
“All right. But, you’re sending me out of my mind,” said Seyfert. “I’m going to the Transporter Hub.”
“I’m a good time boy.”
“What? I’ve had enough of you. Why don’t you leave?”
“Pay the price?”
“The price for your date?” Cosmos said. “I’ve heard you’re so desperate for a date that you-”
“Pay? If you must know, I spent yesterday engaged in audio-visual intergalactic speed-dating,” said Seyfert. “I’m nobody’s fool. I took special care, asked questions, found a kind woman.”
“This I have to see.”
“It’s so hard to wait.” Seyfert took off in a full-tilt SeyTTT-ian three-unequal-legged gallop.
“Flying on the ground is wrong. Decelerate, now!” Cosmos said.
“I’m down to the wire.” Seyfert swung his arms to stabilize his asymmetric torso, inadvertently jettisoning Cosmos.
“You can’t keep me down!” An airborne Cosmos erratically revolving, moving forward, struggling to catch up with Seyfert.
“There you are. We’re looking for Transporter xc-4.7,v.”
“To your left.” Cosmos led the way. “Oh, my stars! Look what came through the door.”
“My rock-and-roll woman?”
“No. A huge, grey paperweight.”
“Can’t be.” Seyfert approach a floor-bound, innumerably crystal-ed being. “Bluebird?”
“Yes, I’m Dr. Bluebird Stibnite,” said the sentient orthorhombic unit. “Dr. Seyfert?”
“Yes. I’m your kind of guy.”
Cosmos pushed against Seyfert’s right ear and whispered. “You putz. No wonder you have trouble finding dates.”
Seyfert flicked Cosmos off his ear, propelling him across the room.
“We’ll see,” said Bluebird, as she translated above the floor toward the reception area. “Sit down, I think I love you.”
Finally, I’m truly lucky, Seyfert thought. Words I must say…?
Seyfert’s three unequal cranial protuberances danced, rhythmically releasing sulfur dioxide. He leaned toward Bluebird. “Everybody’s wrong. I can find love.”
“Why am I expanding? What’s spewing out of your head?”
“Oh, no! It’s combining with my free antimony. I’m getting fat. Look what you did to me,” Bluebird said.
“Hello, I’ve returned,” said Cosmos said.
“Go and say goodbye,” Bluebird said to Seyfert.
Hanging his head, Seyfert muttered, “Pretty girl, why?”
Cosmos nestled among Bluebird’s crystalline needles, promptly fell asleep, and sinusoid-ly snored in resonance her fundamental frequency.
“So, you’ve got a lover.” Seyfert sighed, then slogged toward the exit.
“Nowadays Clancy can’t even sing,” Bluebird chimed, arousing Cosmos.
“Sweetie, my name is Cosmos.”
Copyright 2014 by Julie Mark Cohen
And here is Seyfert’s song:
17 thoughts on “Julie Mark Cohen: Looking for love in all the wrong spaces!”
You’ve done it again! I can hardly wait for the release of your collection! 100 is a fitting number. . .which reminds me that the new drabble theme is posted at albanlake.com under “guidelines!”
Do you remember the below drabble that you selected for publication for June 2009? It has a portal.
Seyfert, Particularly Ugly, Disturbingly Asymmetric,
Desperate for a Date, Visits Yente Seydie
“Why am I here today?” Seyfert respired reticently, vacillating vicariously on his three
“I contacted Gignesthai,” said Yente Seydie.
“The-the gen-gen-genesis doc-doc-doc-doctor?” Seyfert stammered, tooting methane
from cracks in his mid-torso chitinous patch.
“Yes. You okay?” Seydie continued, “I requested someone personable, gentle, tall, doe-eyed, even-toed, with highlighted auburn hair and at least two tufted ossicones.”
“Definitely!” Seyfert’s three cranial protuberances throbbed, rhythmically releasing sulfur dioxide.
The transporter door opened.
“Oh, no! A Terran Giraffa camelopardalis!?” Seydie screeched.
The mammal lowered her head
and nuzzled it against Seyfert. “Get me a leash. One can’t have too many
# # #
Copyright 2009 by Julie Mark Cohen
Published in The Drabbler, Issue 14: When Genetic Experiments Go Bad, Sam’s Dot Publishing, P.O. Box 782, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52406-0782, June. 2009, page 23.
Seyfert named his giraffe Giselle. She appeared in two subsequent stories.
So, why do I think this works? What do I like about it? I am definitely biased, as Seyfert and I are pals, and I had no idea he/she/it was having difficulties with finding a date. I know that Seyfert is a unique individual, dedicated to his/her/its passion for science and adventure. One of the aspects that I like is the introductory letter as it adds another dimension (yet another dimension to an already dimension-rich universe!) to the further adventures of. . .Another aspect is the arrival, by portal (I am quite fond of portals. . .) of Seyfert’s supposed date. Cosmos is a wonderfully annoying side-kick as well.
THERE you are!
Terrie, Many thanks. Seyfert, who possesses disturbing physical features, loves this description of himself: a male with high intelligence, quiet confidence, unparalleled
dignity, and masculine grace. In a recent interview, he stated, “I live in a world in which Terran humans would like to live. We are comfortable with and accepting of ourselves and each other. No denigration, no ridicule. No fear or aloofness. We have the opportunity to pave our own way, thinking for ourselves at each step, which I finally realize I, too, must now do.”
Have you ever sat down in a movie theater halfway through a science fiction movie and had no clue as to what was going on? I have the impression that I would have to have read information before and understood the vast number of characters along with the concepts before beginning this story of searching for love outside one’s species in space collage of bodily functions and consequences. I imagined a parsec somewhere in the universe with points of reference between Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett and David Crosby from his “Buffalo Springfield” days. I’m sure for the fans of Seyfert, here is an ongoing treasure due to the creativity of language and conceptualizations, but as fair disclosure I am not that species; although I was drawn to the character of Bluebird.
Parisianne, Thank you. I hope that each of my Seyfert stories stands
alone. If I failed for you, I’m sorry. After working on Seyfert’s
stories since August 2008 when he accidentally appeared in a contest
story, he is with me… too much, I suppose.
By the way, I gave Thorn
the following URL for stibnite (which I happened to see in the American
Museum of Natural History while I was waiting for a friend to arrive):
You didn’t fail anyone Julie, but I did wish that I had read at least the introduction to Seyfert to allow me to envision them as a character. I love science fiction, but part of that is getting past the newness of a different species to the point where they become plausible in familiarity.
I adored the wikipedia site you referred to, see it is public domain, so I’d like to share what I saw that did help me with this story. I hope your readers will find this as fascinating as I did. I would have used this as the lead-in picture rather than the Luke and Lea from Star Wars.
Ah…poor Seyfert…his luck is still running thin, Julie I really like the way you placed and paced this new adventure of Seyfert. I have so much fun dropping into other dimensions and this one is highly imaged and imaginable. Fast paced and yet the emotions come through the staccato like rhythm. Guess no matter what species you are…its still a challenge to find someone to love. Love Cosmos!
Diane, thank you. Cosmos came out of a melding of Tribbles (original Star Trek), Cosmo Kraymer (Seinfeld), and a rather large fur ball that my middle cat, Lacey, presented to me. Go figure, eh?
And the beat/pod/ring-a-ding goes on. I do drool over the 100 shorts. Secretly wish the publication was/is a novel turned into a film on the big screen. I can see myself forgetting all about the popcorn, or coping a feel off the wifey. Oh well, however you can do it I am first in line to lay down real earth-cash. Good luck. Love your stories.
Michael, Wow, thank you. Income (here) is always good.
A film on the big screen? Seyfert and all SeyTTT-ians will never appear in our visual field, in print or on video. How would we appreciate a movie if we can’t see the big lug and others of his species?
I’ve read a number of Seyfert stories and have trouble with some, not others. (Imagination Deficit Disorder? One of these days I’ll have to buy a DSM if further symptoms arise)
This one I liked for a number of reasons–
The dating scene in any world, here and beyond.
The academic backbiting (!) “You’re point symmetric, with no bones… and no teeth- Ouch! You bit me,” Seyfert said.
The idea that YIddish could continue in the future and far flung dimensions, not to mention the great name of Cosmos Brayer reflecting his character, but also because he knows the difference between ‘putz’ and ‘futz’ when so many people are alarmingly mistaken.
The funny cranky banter:
“Oh, my stars! Look what came through the door.”
“My rock-and-roll woman?”
“No. A huge, grey paperweight.”
Beverly, Thank you so much for your comments. I’m glad this one tickled your fancy a bit. Usually, Seyfert is the one who loves Yiddish. I suppose that he has used it so often that his associates have picked up some of the words, too.
I sent a second Seyfert story for this contest (without song titles) to Thorn a few days ago. I’m hoping that the latest one will delight readers in some small way. It follows the drabble “Seyfert, Particularly Ugly, Disturbingly Asymmetric, Desperate for a Date, Visits Yente Seydie” which I posted below. Hopefully, it some small way, it will delight readers… but we shall see.
I found myself laughing with Seyfert’s character especially. Such paradies….Maybe he needs to take my “Calling in the One” course for finding true romance.
Kristine, thank you for your comments. Chronologically, this is one of his earlier attempts at finding a date. I don’t want to give anything away, but one would hope that he will eventually (50+ stories later, not all about his romantic mis-adventures) find a suitable date who will become his mate.