Entries, Featured, Peggy Dobbs 1 entries, Peggy Dobbs 1 finalists
Looking for Love in the towers that are…A Word with You Press!
Dec
(we are more than just a Hole in the wall)
Literati!
Here is tonight’s second finalist entry into The First Annual Peggy Dobbs’ Write-of-Passage Contest. This makes five of seven, the remaining two to be posted tomorrow night.
After that, I will set up a spot on the blog where you can express who you think should win. I have not found an impartial judge just yet…but I’m workin’ on it!
Looking for Love
by Contestant # 5
Say you go looking for love. You find old love letters tied with tattered shoelaces, and the image of one who loved you then.
You find dog tags from your childhood mutt, and remember how he licked your face each morning. You find your father’s dog tags. That’s love, but not the love you’re looking for.
You find the center of your pain; your high school diary; that little black book; the one coin missing from your quarter map.
And the story of this: The day was hot, the one you loved belonged to somebody else. You waited for weeks for a sign, just a word…but by then, it was too late. All you found was an empty sky and litter along the road-side.
You find the time. You find your way. You find plenty of what you are not looking for: the scent of tarweed, and the memory of those years you lived in the country, when you believed you would always be in that place.
You find you had a melancholy spring, and remember how you miss the feel of flannel in the fall. But still, you don’t find love.
Until one day, you walk across the rain-parched land. Traffic is light. You continue along the pavement, looking both ways twice. Not even a sound in the far away distance whispers of what is about to happen.
And then you don’t find love.
Love finds you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=uYXklTIT0fk
Oooh, I can tell it’s getting near christmas. Thorn’s picking up on his go to guy Cohen.
Cheers
You had me at “Say you go looking for love.” Then you walked me through to the end. Where I find love…in this story. I loved it!
A terrific spin on this obsessed prompt. A real leaf-turner for nothing till the end. Nice. I think Madame may be behind all this searching, but seriously, everyone is coming in as never before been heard. For all I know, I wrote it. Good luck to who ever wrote it.
Between the ocean and your open vein.
Does this not go with the red jacket?
This was not your work, Mr. Stang. But it was. Maybe. Not. Sheesh.
Nope, I’m gonna go out on a nub of a limb and say you did not write this. So there.
But I like the way this story bent this way and that. The ending? Good.
One question: Tarweed?
There is a Beat Poetry verse with bounce and rolling cadence to these words which I like very much. The emotions are raw, speaking of the futility of searching, of reminiscing what has been and is gone. For some reason I thought of Lawrence Ferlinghetti while reading this story.; although the choice of Courtney Love was spot on from the interviews I have seen of her. The ending actually is the beginning of a gleam of hope. I’m guessing Elizabeth Sloan here, because I am running out of names to guess.
It is interesting to me how words are repeated several time for effect in this story. I counted 9 usages of “love” in various forms, “you” used 24 times and “your” used 4 times which is close to “you” and “you’re” in form. I think this is where the beat gets formed and is done well. The theme is emphasized by the word, “find” being used 10 times, “fines” once and “found” once. With a 250 word limit I “fine” this quite interesting as a writer.
Superlative ….. Terrific entry. Mazel!
Absolutely beautiful, I love it. This is my favorite so far…
wonderful — full of wonder…and that is the way of love…when you’re ready…I so love how this happens…no guessing – just enjoying the beauty of this story…
With spare words you have painted a picture of universal human longings and also shared some wisdom. You’ve chosen your imagery and memories well to affect the heart. You’ve also closed with something for the reader to be curious about…what form of love came to this person, how did it happen, and was it lasting?
Very nice piece. Not really a story as such, but still evocative and meaningful.
I love the phrase ‘center of your pain’ as well as the final sentiment.
When I read, I “hear” a narrator’s voice in my head. I heard a woman’s voice with the opening line, and that voice solidified as belonging only to a woman in the second sentence.
I like the unique approach of the author speaking directly to us as readers. Say “you” go looking for love. Not “you” talking about “me” but “you” the way it is most often used, as a reference for anyone, including me.
The tone of the story is a wonderful mix of both melancholy and serenity. I sensed sadness over love never found, but under that I somehow knew that a happy ending was coming. And the final line? Masterful.
I also appreciated how the prompt was used – it was important to the story, but the story wasn’t dependent on it.
This one, I believe, is my favorite.
I also believe it was written by Elizabeth Sloan (provided she didn’t write the other one I thought might have coulda been hers).
I found LOVE with this story!!! Awesome!!!