Literati! Tiffany Unique–oops!–Tiffany MONIQUE provides a soulution for what ales us–a second entry into our Wingnuts contest!
Let’s here it for lippo suction!
Abbey Normal and the Fool
by Tiffany Beard
I suck at quoting Abbey Normal. I always start giggling. Chris knows this. I’ll just have to wing it.
“Chris!” I snap, “It’s my turn!”
Rubbing my hands together for luck I turn on my valley girl and began speaking 200mph. “Being the chronicles of one Abigail Von Normal, confessed mopey little emo queen, jealous of nosferatu because they have dark and eternal love–”
His lips in mine. Shock. Then his scent. Home. From a hundred dreams and a thousand heartbeats away.
We pull away, slightly high. Into my ear he breathes, “And the award for most cinematic kiss–”
“Still The Princess Bride”, I quip, rolling my eyes and giggling slightly. He replies, fake accent thick like winter stew, “Well hello, my name is Inigo Montoya.” His smile radiates. “Miss me?”
Such a loaded question. I longed for that kiss with my whole being. It was the one thing that could rekindle our ‘most epic fail’ of a relationship. Channeling Abby I proclaim, “I am totally your hopeless hose beast. All I had to do was say good-bye, but no, it’s like you have this power over me.”
Thankfully he kissed me before I had the chance to giggle.
From somewhere surreal I hear, “If any harm comes to her, I’ll see to it that ghosts ride you into your grave… again. Well…”
In the haze of stripeysocks rockin’ kissmagic, Chris’ voice fades
And to find out why Tiffany is Monique–oops!– UNIQUE!–why not pay her a visit? Right here: www.timobe.com
14 thoughts on “I’ll be normal…(right)”
Oh lordy I love this Tif…Princess Bride all time favorite and still looking for that ultimate kiss…I’m still winging it. Absolute romp. I wonder what constitutes an ‘epic fail’ in a relationship? I think I have experienced those but it usually involves someone dying. Literally and figuratively…keep on swimming…and you just keep them coming…oh wait we’re allowed only two – rats. Love this.
start spreading the rumours!!!! The Third Annual Editor in Chief Surprise Birthday Party and Wet T Shirt Party will be held in Oceanside at the Hacienda of Victor Villasenor at 4pm on Saturday, June 22nd!
I intend to make an ash of myself! (In the Phoenix, sense of course!) Will post details here and on FB later today or tomorrow!
Thanks Diane. I tried being serious, but I just can’t!
Being too serious causes severe acne, and you don’t have one blemish. Bravo!
That explains some things.
Alright, alright, I’m opened minded enough to handle a kiss with a man. Any volunteers? Nevermind. If you really want to see a cinematic kiss, I suggest the kiss between Necar Zadegan and Traci Dinwiddie from “Elena Undone”. The front cover of the DVD case states, “Featuring the Longest Kiss in Cinema History!” If any of you ladies want to attempt to break their record on film, I’m willing. The film is a very sensitive, well shot and dramaticly insightful into current views on orientation. With that being said, I enjoyed your very clever entry Tiffany.
I’m surprised Thorn didn’t find some really good PB clips… Something to the effect of:
“…no more rhymes now, I mean it.”
“Anybody want a peanut”
Pacific Beach Clips?
Thorn Thorn Thorn… I think you are suffering from smoke inhalation, but at least the fiddling sounds nice.
You made me stop and remember those few long, delicious kisses I cherish. Tiffany your
writing styles snaps like a rubber band. Direct with power of language that is
crisp and current. “Fake accent thick like winter stew. Hopeless hose beast.”
You definitely have your own voice that megaphones itself
from timid to– in our Face. So let your stripey socks continue to Rock. You are
Hopeless hose beast was all Chris Moore. As were the stripey socks. But as I search for balance… I fall out laughing. Thank you for the nice words!
This is a play, right? People who act can go on to a stage and totally do this, yes? I can see it…confusing Broadway lights showcases you- Tiffany Beard, as the limos wait in line. “Tiffany, I snapped, it’s your turn, you’re winning!”
Nice. Let’s keep that.
Cool news about this submission – I sent the link to Christopher Moore (gotta love the fans) via email. He read it and called it fun!
(Please insert awesome dance of cute smug happiness the likes of which can be seen by Vector from Despicable Me)
Christopher Moore read MY stuff! That is humbling, and tickling, and just…. REALLY FRICKIN’ COOL! AND he responded! He didn’t have to do that… or he didn’t have to have his publicity people do that. Either way… really feelin’… groovy about it (Yes, I said groovy).
To quote Chris, who grows in coolness by Abby Normal leaps and bounds… “ONWARD”.