Entries, Featured, Wingnuts: Contest Entries
A staggering account! Editor-in-chief (moi) wings it
May
The world’s second most interesting man shares an inside joke with the editor in chief. He quips; “I don’t write often, but when I do it’s for A Word with you Press”
Literati
As of this moment, I have no idea what is to follow as my own entry into our contest Wing Nuts. But as I saw my image rolling by the towers that are A Word with You Press, I felt obligated to enter the contest myself.
As you know I am multi-wingual; it is not enough to be misunderstood in only one language. The translation is the title of my story. As for the story itself, I guess I’ll just have to wing it.
100% Pure..Purer than your intentions
by
Moi
I ended up at the Jolly Roger in Oceanside the other night. My pal Jake Jacobs (http://jrichardjacobs.net/) with the beard had recently hijacked the Hemingway persona.
“So whaddya think of the beard?”
“You look like an anemic Santa Claus. Why don’t you go ask Megan what she wants for Christmas?”
Megan is displaying two reasons why I occasionally come here.
She declines to sit on Santa’s knee. He feels dejected, as well he should. He retreats to our table over looking the harbor and hides behind his Dos Equs. “I think I am just too old for her,” he laments.
“Well.” I respond with the truism, “if that’s what you think, you must be right.” But I am his wingman, his favorite author, and I have the duty to get him the girl.
I pat him on the shoulder and approach the bar to salvage his reputation.
She starts the conversation. “You look like you’re Thorny”
“I was hoping in the dark it didn’t show.”
“Your friend in the corner creeped me out.”
“That was intentional. He is the world’s second most interesting man. You must be, what, 25? 26?”
“Close… Intentional?”
“Yeah. He did not want you to think you were unattractive, so he said what ever he could improvise so you would dis him rather than the other way around. He would have showed you just how interesting he can be, but has a problem with your age.”
She looked over my shoulder to the far corner where Jake mustered a feeble smile and lifted his bottle to toast her.
“He has a problem with my age?”
“Yeah. So he sent me over to ask if you have a younger sister.”
Before she could answer there was a rumbling in the back of the bar. I thought he was coming back from the dead to retrieve his persona, but instead he just said to Jake, the imposter: “Man was not made for repeat. A man can be annoyed but not repeated.”
While they squabbled, Megan leaned across the bar and whispered, “Thornito, is it true that you are really smooth going down?”
I guess I’ll just have to wing it.
***********************************************
Our special thanks to all the folks at The Jolly Roger(http://www.jollyrogerrestaurants.com/) for being such good sports. Megan was played by Megan Goemaun, Ernest Hemingway was played by manager Randy Boswell. The world’s second most interesting man was played by Sci-fi author J. Richard Jacobs.
Disclaimer: No one was actually humiliated during this event or subject to either crude or sexist remarks.
Visit the Jolly Roger at the end of Oceanside Harbor 1900 harbor Drive North. The last stop before Hawaii!
And then Thornito went home to play with his little sword
I guess somebody got the point!
To quote myself from tonight: “It’s not as big as I thought it was!”
Ummmmmmmmmmm. I’ll comment tomorrow….:)
I did grow up with the Jolly Roger Restaurants….grilled cheese was my favorite;;;;
And you asked ME the master of WHAT? I think you just answered your own question Thornitos!!! LOL
I was baiting you
not touching this – nope not touching this…
Bet Jake (Santa) thinks, “With friends like you, who needs enemies?” I thought the Wingman was suppose to have his friends best interests at heart. I’m sure your answer would be you were saving him from himself. If he had a heart attack, what would we do for a Santa Claus!!!
Fun story as always,
Blessings, pd
When I was a wee lad of 20 I met Jake as a fellow boat bum. only Jake was a naval architect and I was amazed that someone actually designed belly buttons. I Built boats with him for a while, and we drifted (see the wordplay there?) apart. I Googled myself about 15 years ago and I found I came up as a scoundrel on the deck of a space ship in one of his sci-fi novels. So we reconnected and it had taken me until now to extract my revenge.
I call shenanigans! He waited until I turned in my second entry so I couldn’t use his best puns in my story! SHENANIGANNNNNNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay thirsty, my friend.
Actually you could rip this out of ‘Fear and Loathing’.
Not. Santa’s girls would not have the baggy death-tale eyes.
Great stuff.
LOL, it’s been a hard day at work and I needed this laugh. Thanks, Thorn : ) Jack
I hope you liked the drinking song video that I embedded into your own entry.. I bet you can guess my favorite way of opening a beer bottle?