Ladies and Gentlemen of the fury:
I have been incommunicado for the last two months for the most mundane of reasons, and so very tempted to fabricate a story to create a work of fiction about why this has been.
But I have too much respect for my readership to do such a thing, especially since the simple truth will suffice. What most of you suspected was, in fact, true. I was abducted by aliens.
Here is the evidence of the abduction:
So that no one could attempt a rescue the Zone Manager turned off my internet and would not turn it back on until after the L.A. Times Festival of Books,(which AWwYP attended for the third in a row) until I paid ransom to their earthly conspirator at+t, and left sufficient deposits in the alien’s extremely mobile sperm bank.
I knew you would understand.
It was just three days ago that I was able to view our website for the first time in two months. I expected it would be like delivering pizza to Jonestown or The Little Big Thorn a day too late.
I can’t even begin to tell you how astonished I was to see how you had not only survived, but thrived. (What? You don’t need me?)And I can’t possibly convey my gratitude to all of you. Details of my abduction have all been recorded on the abduct tape, but that can wait.
What is important is that your loyalty to our cause remains an incredible inspiration, and now it is my chance to reciprocate(ahhhhh…reciprocation!)
Unbeknownst to my abductors, I wrote a lot of stuff on matchbook covers and on my collection of meaningful correspondence with at+t, to San Diego Gas and Electric company, my landlord, etc, much as Albert Speer did for twenty years from Spandau Prison in Berlin (which I used to pass daily)
I will compile all the details and filter them to you when the aliens have returned to their planet, and I still have trophies that remain in tact to be sent out, and a contest to bring to a conclusion to see who gets the big screw.
More later when the drugs wear off.
It’ll be just like rolling over–OOPS! like starting over!