Entries, Featured, You Didn’t Write That: Entries
Pants on Fire!
Oct
This changes everything! Oh Literati!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=3dLtiFrykqQ
Michael Stang is once again a finalist in one of our contests. Always the bridesmaid. Will this entry change everything?
Still need to hear from three others, but they have until noon tomorrow California time, to submit about 200 words using the prompt “This changes everything”.
And then, we’ll see if it does.
Here is
Liar
By
Michael Stang
Allen was a liar.
He would have succeeded if he had kept to the truth. But truths in the sixteen-year-olds life equaled pain, suffering pain, words were costly. Those who did not stutter, the perfect ones, they needed all the truth they could handle, words were cheap. Allen found something else, other words, something he could live with, perfect no, especially suitable.
To speak required physical jig-a-boos, thrashed raves with arms jerked and the head bobbed alongside a tongue stuck on stupid. Then a funny thing happened, another word struck like lightening in front of the hard word and Allen went for it; rolled out of his mouth like butter. The momentary lapse of stress barreled him down paths of uncertainty, however, as that new word created a different legend instantly. That’s okay, Allen’s mind screamed to the future. This changes everything, as long as I can say it, I’ll deal with it.
On his walk to school the boy met a young waitress on her break outside the restaurant. She asked him his name and her friendly smile jacked Allen’s paralysis up the middle of the road.
“John!”
“Well now, John, are you off to school?”
“Movies…a movie.”
“Oh, I see…I’m off at two… you could wait and take me with you?”
Oh, Allen screamed. Again.
I read your story and sat back to digest it. A random thought popped into my mind – why didn’t Mike use the prompt? I re-read and found you did. You had me so busy focusing on the main character, his struggle, and his triumph that the prompt walked right past me, blending in with the crowd of other words and thoughts that so easily flowed through the narrative.
Nice work. You belong in the shark tank.
Thanks, Mac. Assimilation of the prompt was something I actually tried to do.
Poor Allen….John. It’s hard enough being a 16 year old boy! I hope he’ll go to the movie with the girl rather than to school. I agree with Mac. The prompt was seamlessly incorporated!
Thank you Tisha. In the end, I hope so too.
“Allen’s mind screamed to the future” —- what a great line! Reading your story was like opening a gift. Thank you Mr. Stang.
I feel like I am recieving that gift from you. Just read your entry. It is like we are together hugging,lauging,crying,praying,eating and toasting.
Yes Michael, My brain was stuck as well, I didn’t even notice the prompt in your story… and I always look for it. I just immediately faded into the plight of your character. Felt every little tinge of intelligent emotion wrapped around my legs, grounding me right in that moment of ‘tongue stuck on stupid.’ Better than being hit on the head with a stupid stick, immobilizing you to do nothing. Great unrolling of a well thought out story, a red carpet experience! It shined baby!
I do so thank you, Kyle, for your comments. “Intelligent emotions” is a new one for me but, damn it, i’ll take it. Thanks again.
titscruplitephitliousplatastic entry…yup that’s what it is…
You are going to look back at this one and think “what the f….” Thank you for the supreme compliment.
I already did – and I’m still thinking WTF did I write…LOL If you get it figured out – let me know – maybe compare notes – whatever i did – was grand!!!! And I meant it!!!!
oh and that was EMBC (early morning before coffee)!!!!
I hope you’ll be the bride on this one Daddy OMG !
Daddy? This place is becoming quite the family attraction. Welcome.
That’s how I roll!