Entries, Featured, You Didn’t Write That: Entries
OMG!!! Two Thornings in a single week!
Sep
Oh the Joy in my Heart! A SECOND stem of Thorn’s awarded in the span of week!
Literati–let me explain the honor.
Occasionally I receive an email with the blush of a rose in its charm and sweetness and sincerity. And I take it upon myself, without the author’s consent, to make certain that every person in the entire galaxy gets to read what was said.
It is affectionately called “Thorning” Consider it a stoning, but more fragrant!
Debi Swim, brand new to our site, has edged out so many others! Here her true nature is revealed, as she expresses how truly harsh she can be!
Congratulations on winning this most coveted award. YOU’VE BEEN THORNED!
And here is the email that edged out the competition:
“I whittled until I counted 196 words (using all my fingers and toes several times). You don’t have to post this but if you can replace the embarrassingly verbose one with this it would be nice. If you can’t at least I proved to myself that I can deal harshly with beloved phrases. Thank, Debi”
Debi entered our contest and her word count was waaaaay over. So she made amends to make it conform, and you all KNOW how I love conformity! So I am publishing her story again, now that it conforms to the word count. These writing exercises really do work to help us become better writers.
Here you go, Debi!
You Didn’t Write That
by Debi Swim
“Maynard, come here.”
“Now what?” he thought, walking to the front.
Mrs. Snavely held a folder out, “Recognize this?”
“Sure, it’s my book report,” Maynard answered.
She looked at him over the top of her glasses, “Maynard, you didn’t write that.”
His face red, nostrils flared, he retorted, “Yes, I did write that. That’s my handwriting.”
The teacher sighed, “I have no doubt it is your handwriting. I recognize the sloppy penmanship. When I say ‘you didn’t write that’ it refers to the content not the actual scribbling of letters.”
Maynard placed his hand on his heart. “Mrs. Snavely, you wound me. I read the book. I liked the book. This book spoke to me. Is the report not good enough?”
Mrs. Snavely conceded, “Yes, Maynard, an excellent report, good insights.”
Maynard asked, “What? I’m too stupid to write that?”
“No, Maynard, not stupid, you are capable of writing a paper like this.”
Maynard relaxed and smiled, “Then why do you think I didn’t?”
Turning to the last page she said, “Maynard, you are not stupid, but you are careless. I know you didn’t write that because you copied the real author’s name at the end!”
Still charming as ever before.
What? Moi or the story? Personally, I think the story is improved by the brevity. Only the essentials. Good story
I liked the story the first time and, having read the first one, knew where this revised version was going. Unless I go to the first story, though, I cannot tell you what was taken out. Which probably means everything you removed wasn’t really needed in the first place. The essence of the story remains, and yet the story remains solid.
I am also wondering if you should get bonus points for using the prompt twice.
Bonus points? But she already worn the Thorny! Whatmore could she want?
getting tired! That should be won, not worn, shaken, not stirred
Nicely edited, Debi. Very tight. I have not identified exactly what you removed, but the overall effect is smooth and flowing with a direct path to the punchline–and with a hint of blackberry. Welcome, Debi, to A Word with You Press.
Thank you guys so much. I feel very honored and happy. Now I can tell everyone “I’ve been Thorned!” Bragging rights, : )
You have joined the elite, the proud, the Thorned!
the pricked
Oops! Never try to underestimate the teacher’s intelligence. Think this lad learned a valuable lesson. Good story indeed.
Debi, first of all, I love your flash! And second of all, it is my sincere pleasure knowing you and sharing time with you at our monthly PenWorks writing club meetings.
Thanks Sal. I love the PenWorks and esp. your expertise and willingness to help people like me.
Oopsie, we shall have to throw him down among the dumbest criminals for an eternal shame to carry about like Marley’s chains. What a shame, such a carefully cadged plagerism so unfortunately complete. Pass the dunce cap please?