Entries, Featured, You Didn’t Write That: Entries
Enigmas R Us–“You didn’t write that” contest entry.
Sep
Oh Literati!
I do believe the pump is being primed! With the entry of Thomas Smith, Esq. into our contest, we now have three entries. Ahhh, let the trickle turn to flood! Enter the contest yourself by pulling down the details from the menu bar and following them as if they mattered!
Here is Tom Smith’s entry, which he personalized as you can see. Tom is one of the chosen few who lives in the neighborhood that IS A Word with You Press!
Somebody hand me the remote.
***********
“Hi Thorn, I saw you riding your bike Sat. night.”
“You didn’t write that? Why did you…” She turned away in anger.
“REPLY” came right up. He didn’t feel a need to answer but she kept pressing him. She then approached him as if in an assaultive manner.
“They need to know,” he said.
She stopped but turned away again in disgust, cursing. She walked to the couch and plopped down before the big screen T.V. She didn’t speak for several minutes just watching the pablum and thinking. Her tonic.
He thought – hundreds of channels and nothing on.
“You need the money,” she said tersely.
He nodded yes.
After a minute she said “I want you out.”
He knew and nodded yes again.
She picked up the day’s newspaper.
He watched and thought again – scores of pages and no real news.
(Twas a real privilege when I was living in Singapore when I’d come back from the jungles in Borneo for a dose of civilization to watch Australian television with five year old Morgan. The Gary Gnu Show, who, like Tom’s players here, gnu that no gnus is good gnus! (The Naked Gnus, anyone?)
I would love to know what “they need to know”. I read the underlying theme of the uselessness of communicative information and have to agree. Her higher ground prevails, however, and so the story goes. Well thought out. Hope to see more.
Is it really all about the money?
092412
Sometimes it is. But not often I’d like to think. Sometimes there are deeper issues that have nothing to do with you but are unsolvable, so money is as good any reason for resolving the issue. Lest it get very nasty.
Tom Smith
092412
They needed to know information that was important to them but by giving to them it caused him not to be paid. Eg. you can pay a lawyer or go to a free legal clinic that is available. Tom
Hi To.
The suspense hidden, made me read this twice. In a short time you gave so much information about this couple. The tension and boredom between, makes me believe they have a long term relationship. The clues are given in the way they both view the news.Pablum and tonic.”You need the money.” Pulled me into the story even deeper. Wanted to read more. Great premise for a short story.
092412
Thankyou for the comment.
What a break down not only in communications, but the whole relationship – disintegrating before each of them…good one Tom. Short and definitely poignant.
092412
Thankyou.
Tom Smith
I love all the unspoken back story summed up in “I want you out” and his quiet acceptance. This is indescribably and inevitably sad, even though I don’t know the characters. Nice nutshell relationship demise.
092412
Thankyou. I beleive that facts are more telling than conclusions when relating a story to a jury or any audience.
Tom Smith
Gut shot progression and the details unecessary in the glaring sequence we all know and wish we didn’t. Succint and presice strike to the solar plexus. Tight man, tight:)