GIRLFIGHT on The Train

Mama said knock you out-- and then post it on Instagram.

In honor of the editor-in-mischief’s sense of humor, what’s a contest without a girlfight?!

Just Shut Up

By N. Jin

In my defense… I have no defense. I knew it was wrong.

I just didn’t count on it being that funny.

Her never-can-just-sit-down-and-not-add-her-two-cents-to-the-center-of-attention way grated nerves in the worst way. Katherine never understood that when the class called her “Lady Katherine” it was a diss.

“Mrs. Ryouko, can I just say…” and then she would lie, or tell the truth, talking on and on, while our amazingly nice, or seriously high, teacher let her speak. Poor teach must’ve still felt sorry for her. But all of our stories were due for Dr. Phil’s show. All of us had been through hell. That’s why we were at this school.

A small group of us nerds were the only ones to ever hear Sarah talk more than two sentences, with that voice like broken glass falling. But she had the best sense of humor—in short bursts or sarcastic one liners. Katherine hated her with a passion, and bullied her at every opportunity. Ever since Sarah publicly disagreed with m’lady over a word definition in English class, she’d suffered more than her share. Whispering sounded almost normal at the point I got involved.

My friend was telling me about where she thought our lunch sandwiches actually came from when frickin’ Lady K pipes up her annoying lilt, “Mrs. Ryouko, can I just say—”

Katherine was still talking when I rolled my eyes. Sarah even giggled. Katherine’s face went red, and I knew I’d planned the perfect revenge.

It’s a dish best served cold y’know.

Even Mrs. R had to take a moment to straighten her face before she went all save-the-world’s-feelings mode. Apparently, it’s not very nice to create a photoshopped Lady Katherine gets Batman Slapped video and set it to music on a 15-second loop.

And apparently, it’s even more un-okay to hack the server and virus-spam said video to play every four minutes on all devices turned on and connected, starting at 12:07pm the day we were out on our Metrorail Field Trip. I didn’t think anyone would mind.

I also didn’t think that Lady Katherine’s Dad would have his iPad connected to our server so that he could upload his train presentation for our class.

He snickered.

Katherine’s stunned face went rose-red before she and I exploded into melee. I laughed the whole time.

I pushed her out of the dining car to the sound of applause, but of course, no one would admit that when security showed up. We both got some good hits in before we were separated.

My face flattened against the glass as I was handcuffed was worth it. My backpack gettin’ chucked to the platform and the conductor’s calm, “You two are hereby banned from Amtrak. Never board my train again”, was also worth it.

I know my dad is gonna kill me, and after that my mom is gonna ground me ‘til I’m 75. But I’ll go down in RBHS history.

3 comments

  1. Diane Cresswell says:

    OMG I am laughing on this one – could sooooo see this happening. Great narrative, imagery had me in stitches, good flow to the whole story. This one is fantastic.

  2. Michael Stang says:

    A smooth, hip, understanding re-count of the glory days. Loved how the writing got you up to speed.
    Written by a talented pen not afraid to twist and turn. I’ll follow you over the literary cliff anytime.

  3. Mike Casper says:

    Ah, the snicking of the handcuffs…the press of metal against my wrists, the sinking feeling of freedom’s flight away from the scene. I loved the story, loved the future glory and infamy. Thanks.

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