Cupid’s Arsenal. Madam Parisianne Modert Plucks her Beau…

  (one of our proof-readers at The Word after dotting her eyes and crossing her tees) Ahhh!  The sweet and innocent pleasures of love! Literati!  Perhaps you, too, have heard the vague rumor that love hurts?  Here at the towers that are A Word with You Press, we have tracked that rumor to its source!  …

 

(one of our proof-readers at The Word after dotting her eyes and crossing her tees)

Ahhh!  The sweet and innocent pleasures of love!

Literati!  Perhaps you, too, have heard the vague rumor that love hurts?  Here at the towers that are A Word with You Press, we have tracked that rumor to its source!  Madam Parisianne Modert has written this tense and terse piece that makes me conjure as a defense to my senses the words of Leonard Cohen, who, upon seeing Joan of Arc burn at the stake can only remark “Myself, I long for love and light. But must it come so cruel? And oh, so bright?”

Here is the first of two entries from Parisianne into our contest : A Dozen Roses from a Single Thorn: A Valentine’s Day Love Story.

Christina’s Hell

by Madam Parisianne Modert

 

The Moon blazed Revelation Red, prophetically announcing her collision intentions of doom upon all Earth’s life forms.  Christina Serpentine’s 102nd birthday on Saint Valentine’s Day 2014 came complete with 102 H-bomb candles igniting the Helium-3 just beneath the lunar dark side surface .  The Moon’s reversed path was now an unstoppable reunion with Mother Earth.  Natasha, KGB spy posing as domestic maid, served the demented heiress apple-arsenic oatmeal which Christina refused.  The spy’s gun barrel smoked to the back of Christina’s skull projecting brain and blood spatter and face into the oatmeal on the circular, Salem witch-cursed, ancestral oak table.

 

Reaper, Lauren Wells, former teenage disco roller queen, pouted her mouth, blew a bubble gum pink globe, captured it back onto her tongue and uncrossed her arms pulling Christina up by the hair.

“Wake up Quaker Oats, let’s boogie-oogie you to hell, bitch.”

“I’m blind Jean Harlot.”

“Don’t fight me, you nuclear dildo, strap-on skag.  Toilet flushes should remove that facial blindfold.  Damn! Chipped a nail.”

 

Near the entrance to the rusted, off-its-hinges gates to Hell thanks to Jesus,  Lauren turned the kicking, F-bombing, mushroom clouded elder over.  Sylvee, Lauren’s blond, blue-eyed, former Universal Studios tour guide slash exec call-girl winked at her sister suggestively.  “Watch this, Serpentine viper Sylvee.  Christina ain’t no Olivia Newton John.”

“They never are taste of honey.

“What’s her crime, Lauren?”

“I heard stabbing the Earth with the Moon, but it was only a rumor.”

“I’ve missed you Lauren.”

The sister’s french kiss made Christina jealous.

“Come back here Grandma Anti-Gaia.  Help me, Lauren.”

Cerberus with three dog heads and brother Orthrus with two perked up seeing Christina clear the fire lit pit turret separating beasts from fallen, Hell arrivals.

“She’s beastie food now, Lauren.”

“Hello, my handsome fellows,” Christina chirped, scratching one chin after another receiving slurps back.

“You’re my witness Lauren,” Sylvee complained, rolling her eyes while pressing her com unit. “Security!”

 

Charles Satan, the devil, tapped his fingers.  Christina’s replay behavior and life file ended.  Charles’s black, compressed burning coal eyes became enamored, sparking diamonds.  “Get me Mr. Bruce, on screen!”

“Well ruby-slipper me, Mr. Bruce, you devil cake charmer of a boss man.”

“Can you makeover this dog whisperer into my fiery, Jane Russell-like bride, Mr. Bruce?”

“Does Cartier sell diamonds?”

 

Christina countered Charles’s proposal with demands.  “Cerberus and Orthrus live with us, I become Hell’s CEO-Commander and Chief, my WMD wish list will be installed with ownership of Sylvee and Lauren or no nuptials.”

“Eternal honeymoon for four?”

“They’re lesbian only.”

“Unless I seduce them too?”

“Deal.”

 

“Mrs. Christina Satan murdered Hell’s non-cooperative, old-male board with her laser fingers.  “Sylvee, Lauren!”

“Madam Satan?”

“Get God on the red and white. On your knees, ladies.  Let’s give him a peep show.”

“Who the hell?”

“Mrs. Charles Satan, ruling conquoress of creation serving your dozen black roses’ death warrant, you misogynistic thorn-pricking, Trinitarian nothingness.  Kisses”

 

14 comments

  1. There are times I con myself into thinking that a writer’s effort has left nothing on the table. I must admit, after checking the floor beneath my feet and the rafters above my head encase the unhinged is contagious, that you have left us with nothing but a sneak preview. This is Chuch Wendig on acid. I could only continue to fall headlong into a future novel, novella, whatever. Last thing to mention as I turn my mind reluctantly from the madness is the dialog: attitude, character, belief. Don’t know what you plan for this but, everyone except god hopes you got one.

    • Parisianne Modert says:

      Actually and of course Michael your suspicions are correct about this story which is a redesigned segment out of one of my early novels entitled, “Kitty de Bear, Reaper Extraordinaire, Makes a Mistake.” I changed elements of the elderly maid and completely changed and minimized the reaper. The historical, political and business ventures of this evil family is clear in the novel, but barely mentioned in this flash fictional piece. In the novel, Charles is the civilized, wanting to heal those in his stay while expecting human growth potential in those under his kingdom. The circles of Hell therefore come with graduation ceremonies. Hell is a place which rewards those who are both free of law restrictions while practicing kindness. Purgatory exists, the Garden of Eden’s origin is located, explained along with what gives G-d both His omnipotency and arrogant control issues. G-d has a serious problem even before Christina shows up to ruin the Book of Revelation for G-d. Basically, she opens the sixth seal, the Moon turning to Blood, before the first five have been accomplished. Instead of the Lamb of G-d opening the sixth seal, a bitter, flapper in her youth, turns the battle of Armageddon around on Heaven. The devil is smitten with the woman who will save his fate and the fate of his subjects from the true evil within the novel, namely G-d. In the novel, the mistake is that the reaper assumed that the Christina character was so evil that she was automatically going straight to Hell. G-d knew better and wanted to confront her first. The mistake which is ignored in these 500 words changes the history of the universe forever.

  2. Diane Cresswell says:

    Brava my dear – this reads much better!!!! Ya did good! Reading it again I see that it is one hard road to hell with nothing to hope for. Maybe we’ll have to now say – “beam me down Scotty” as there might not be any up!!!

    • Parisianne Modert says:

      Credit, where credit is due, so I wish to personally thank Diane for critiquing an earlier draft of this story. Her insights allowed me to make this extremely complicated story much clearer. I wanted to prove that I could write a story which was alternative romance, remain true to my style of writing and yet give the reader a much different story than all of you have come accustomed to from me. I will interested to learn if you see differences from my previous entries or whether you believe I have continued writing in a similar vain. That critique would help me most.

      While I hope you have been both shocked, perhaps offended and found dark humor in this perversion story, loosely based on Cecil B. DeMille’s “Madam Satan” from 1930 starring Kay Johnson; I want to ask you the reader, editor, staff and fair judge to know that my serious entry in this contest is yet to be published. I promise you that the other entry will be the most important writing of my life to date. It is appropriate that within the Saint Valentine’s time of the year, that the heart which stores the soul in my opinion shares the beauty of pure love.

      That entry will be a Valentine love letter not to a lover, but to a friend who was become so precious to me that I consider her my beloved sister. Many readers may be unfamiliar with this style of letter writing which was more prevalent in the days of Jane Austen and later the Bronte Sisters, so I hope you will indulge me my 19th century, “Sense and Sensibilities” without any “Pride or Prejudice” (forgive me Ms. Austen and mother). My mother, Jo Modert, published her one book, “Jane Austen’s Manuscript Letters In Facsimile” (Southern Illinois University Press) as a woman appreciating the beauty of letter writing. I am mother’s daughter at times.

      So when you read my Valentine to my sister of mutual, spiritual adoption, I ask that you give deep respect to her for the vulnerability she has offered by giving permission to have my sisterly love, gratitude and prayer for her published.

      Let me finish this response to you my dear friend Diane. The crux of “Christina’s Hell” was to develop a woman, so evil by act, yet loving of creatures which only the devil could really love that Lucifer would be smitten enough to give his kingdom to her along with her every evil request and intention.

      • Diane Cresswell says:

        Well I think you did it my dear…. and thanks for the mention. This would be so much fun if ya ‘fleshed’ it out a bit. On second thought… maybe not!!!! Mind just went ballistic thinking of possibilities from your well intentioned devious mind….bruhahahaha…

      • Gary says:

        you had me at, ““Don’t fight me, you nuclear dildo, strap-on skag.”
        from Gary Clark – Disqus won’t let me sign in.

        • Parisianne Modert says:

          In the novel as opposed to the flash piece, the construction of a special alloy metal cylindrical tube well into the surface of the dark side of the moon with heat vents aimed at the surface. The missile insert I describe in the novel as a giant nuclear bomb dildo f…ing the moon and having a fiery orgasm in her. The physics of the moon reversal are questionable, but even if the moon is sent back at an initial low speed, it will eventually impact with the Earth due to gravity. The Helium-3 is a real energy source and one of the main interest of the moon. The trick is to get that energy back to Earth which I solved. Helium-3 takes a very high temperature to ignite, but 102 H-Bombs would do quite nicely. It has been pointed out to me that with only a 5 percent atmosphere that the force from the explosion would carry far out into space and make a very impressive show even if the moon survived nor reversed course. Slowly the moon is actually moving away from the Earth and has been since it was initially formed most likely from the Pacific rim on Earth as both Earth and what became the moon started to cool.

          The other vehicle for that expression makes Christina believable as a lesbian before her body has been turned Jane Russell beautiful and spirited. In the novel, Charles’ influence in what she achieves in old age starts in her late teens of being a young flapper. The knowledge of her in the flash version had to hit the reader between the legs…I mean head…o, dear.

  3. Parisianne Modert says:

    For you younger readers and those of you who distain of popular culture (as if here is an image of how I pictured Christina with Lauren and Sylvee…

  4. Kristine Rose Grant says:

    Quite extraordinary…not exactly a warm fuzzy, but dazzlingly dark and dramatically disturbing. I look forward to your Saint Valentine’s Day (leaving Lucifer at the door) contest entry number 2. Rumor has it, you really like e-ticket rides! Do you keep a dream journal?

    • Parisianne Modert says:

      Dear Lady Judge named appropriately for this contest as a Rose whose comments read so sweetly. My novels (12 + partials) and some of my short stories are from characters and actions appearing in my dreams. Entry number 2 was written from my heart rather than my imaginational push back against this editor’s comments at the end of the last contest in which I was a finalist who didn’t win and being labeled “The Fairy Tale Lady” in the first contest in which I was also a finalist, but did not win. While I care not to sacrifice my 19th century writing style of both lyrical and poetic descriptives; I did wish to present a story of a much different alternative romance by substance.

      The Love Letter yet to be published is my true passion from the center of my heart. I hope you will find that the Love Letter to a very special sister is worthy of the directions given and will touch your own heart. Thank you for your critique.

  5. Parisianne Modert says:

    My apologies to those of you who find my lack of dialogue tags confusing. Here is the breakdown in order…Christina is murdered by a KGB agent after Christina’s orders to set off 102 H-bombs on the dark side of the moon have been executed. Christina is dead, face down in oatmeal. Lauren, a reaper assigned to retrieve Christina calls Christina, Quaker Oats, is called Jean Harlot (play on Harlow), cleans Christina up and delivers Christina to her twin sister Sylvee near the gates of Hell. The sisters kiss allowing Christina to escape. Christina falls in love with the hounds of Hell and vice versa. The wedding proposal is countered and agreed upon with amendment. The devil falls in love with Christina. Mr. Bruce, a gay man, makes over Christina to look like Jane Russell complete with Weapons of Mass Destruction built into Christina. Christina murders the board of Hell. God is called by communication device, but is shocked at seeing Christina getting duel oral sex from the twins. Christina serves God his death warrant in a sardonic way without letting God get the last word. The end. Any questions?

    • Parisianne Modert says:

      Sorry Jack, but Christina; while owning manufacturing consortiums world wide, comes from a family that has become Connecticut yankees relocated from the outskirts of Salem, Massachusetts. If there are tarts in this story, loosely speaking, they would be Lauren and Sylvee. Sorry, no vicars; although I am certain that Hell is full of tarts and vicars who are on the naughty side. Charles Satan, the devil, doesn’t judge the naughty or making nice aspect to life. Charles has compassion, believing that with care and education the worst of the worst can graduate up through his circles of Hell. After all they had eternity to work on their qualities. That is until God declared war on Hell.

      Charles Satan is a cooperation, play nice and enjoy life style of Devil. He has class and God does not in the novel. The first circle of Hell therefore is lined with golf courses, tennis clubs, fine dining, dancing and leisure spas. My pardon to Dante, but there are many more circles of gray than the author imagined. The problem stated in the novel is that very few are allowed in Heaven, most go to Purgatory, because they are on the edge of being able to be trusted and controlled by God with the remainder of those who think for themselves sent to Hell. God’s notice of Armageddon hasn’t been delivered, but spies have notified the civilized Charles that Heaven is preparing for the destruction of Hell. Because of this predicament, Charles has found his successor in a woman evil enough to take God on directly. Christina is Hell’s version of Joan of Arc without an once of humanity other than sexual lust.

      Be it what it may, Purgatory, Heaven and Hell will become very busy places once the moon that was sent in motion actually collides with Earth.

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