Doctoring the image…our Wingnut contest continues

Flaws? Moi? Ahhh, Literati. Johnny Tobias has dropped in again. You may recall he won a contest a while back I’m All Shook Up.  Maybe he wants the trophy of Horace to keep the Elvis trophy he won?  Here, and in the movie trailer that follows, you can see how his theory works about getting the …

Flaws? Moi?

Ahhh, Literati.

Johnny Tobias has dropped in again. You may recall he won a contest a while back I’m All Shook Up.  Maybe he wants the trophy of Horace to keep the Elvis trophy he won?  Here, and in the movie trailer that follows, you can see how his theory works about getting the girl.  Satikush, the guard cat at The Towers, makes a cameo appearance in the flick.

Here is John’s advice.

How to be Charming

by Johnny Tobias

Chuck is sitting cross legged on my lap in the stall. He begins to cut my hair with scissors he pulls from his blazer pocket. On top of the toilet-paper dispenser is purple make-up.

“Any man can be handsome, but you go out there not knowing what you look like, how do you win a girl over?”

He licks his thumb and rubs under my eye. “I don’t understand,” I tell him.

“How it is, is on a first date, especially a blind one, a girl is going to be polite and not point out all your physical flaws. She won’t just walk out at least. She might ask you about your black eye, but not your hair, or your new acne. Or this scar on your jaw.” He begins to apply what looks like play-dough to my jaw.

“Women love men who can be interesting. Really, you ever look at really goofy looking motherfuckers with a beautiful woman and wonder how in the hell? It ain’t money. Everything I’ve done to your body has a story now.”

He looks at me the way and artist looks at a masterpiece only he will love, and kisses his fingers like an Italian chef. He reminds me not to look into any mirrors.

Every silver spoon isn’t so much a carnival fun version of me anymore.

I open the door and see Nell siting at the table. I guess I’ll just have to wing it.

14 comments

  1. Chics dig scars.

    Seriously though, I’m intrigued. I’m concerned for what is going to happen. You’ve pulled me into the story and I want to read the next chapter. Thank you.

  2. Sheri Strobaugh says:

    I would love to know what you looked like and see that dough scar on your chin! Great story!

  3. Diane Cresswell says:

    Oh dear my inner visionscope just took off with this one – would love to see the end product of make up. Classic story with a twist. You are so good Jon. Yes I must say this one reeled me in.

  4. Parisianne Modert says:

    After reading this entry twice, it reinforces my belief that most men don’t have a clue about what women want. Every straight, bi or confused young girl falls for the bad boy with masculine stories once, but the smart ones move on to substantial men. I liked the line “Every silver spoon isn’t so much a carnival fun version of me anymore.”, because I don’t have a clue what it means. I also am at a loss as to who the famous contact is in the story. Please enlighten me.

    • Jon tobias says:

      I hope it doesn’t truly reinforce that belief, because Chuck is just a character in a story, and in no way represents my views at least. Chuck Palahniuk is supposed to be the reference. Rather than saying it was him I used his first name, and then I imitated his style of writing. It was taking a chance, but it was a fun experiment nonetheless. The silver spoon comment was the narrator thinking about his own reflection and because he is trying to avoid mirrors, certain objects he can still see his reflection inregardless of his attempts not to see himself.

      • Parisianne Modert says:

        Thank you Jon for the informative reply. Interesting choice of authors. I think Mr. Palahniuk would have approved of your references and lines. The silver spoon, carnival line remains my favorite part of the story.

  5. Michael Stang says:

    Ah, another exposure into the depths of Mr. Tobias. We have known each other, on site, for some time, but never have I read you this avaunt before. Do me a favor, John, take many, many more dips in this pool. You’re blending of the mechanics of writing and your imagination are a highlight. Terrific to read.

Comments are closed.