Poetic License Suspended, revoked…and REINSTATED!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the fury: Heeere’s THORNY! I have been incommunicado for the last two months for the most mundane of reasons, and so very tempted to fabricate a story to create a work of fiction about why this has been. But I have too much respect for my readership to do such a …

Ladies and Gentlemen of the fury:

Heeere’s THORNY!

I have been incommunicado for the last two months for the most mundane of reasons, and so very tempted to fabricate a story to create a work of fiction about why this has been.

But I have too much respect for my readership to do such a thing, especially since the simple truth will suffice.  What most of you suspected was, in fact, true.  I was abducted by aliens.

Here is the evidence of the abduction:

Aliens forced me to smile for the camera.

 

So that no one could attempt a rescue the Zone Manager turned off my internet and would not turn it back on until after the L.A. Times Festival of Books,(which AWwYP attended for the third in a row) until I paid ransom to their earthly conspirator at+t, and left sufficient deposits in the alien’s extremely mobile sperm bank.

I knew you would understand.

It was just three days ago that I was able to view our website for the first time in two months. I expected it would be like delivering pizza to Jonestown or The Little Big Thorn a day too late.

I can’t even begin to tell you how astonished I was to see how you had not only survived, but thrived. (What? You don’t need me?)And I can’t possibly convey my gratitude to all of you. Details of my abduction have all been recorded on the abduct tape, but that can wait.

What is important is that your loyalty to our cause remains an incredible inspiration, and now it is my chance to reciprocate(ahhhhh…reciprocation!)

Unbeknownst to my abductors, I wrote a lot of stuff on matchbook covers and on my collection of meaningful correspondence with at+t, to San Diego Gas and Electric company, my landlord, etc, much as Albert Speer did for twenty years from Spandau Prison in Berlin (which I used to pass daily)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Speer

I will compile all the details and filter them to you when the aliens have returned to their planet, and I still have trophies that remain in tact to be sent out, and a contest to bring to a conclusion to see who gets the big screw.

http://drwatsonsodditorium.com/

More later when the drugs wear off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=fWWbu_RSh7Q

It’ll be just like rolling over–OOPS! like starting over!

 

20 comments

  1. trippy stuff…cable companies like at & t are sometimes hated like insurance companies or tow truck companies by the masses…haha…I hope you (like albert speer’s profession) ARCHITECT a way to escape those bad aliens. haha…U may want to buy my architect & landscape software im selling on ebay to do so…i’ll give u a good deal…keep us apprised on ur efforts at escaping the aliens.

  2. tlrelf says:

    I didn’t tell them. Honest. I made something else up instead. . .Welcome home, Bossman! We did miss you. Really we did. . .

  3. Diane Cresswell says:

    Really – the thornman is back? And he’s been battling aliens? And he’s alive??? Ok that last part could be debated because those that come back from alien capture…well let’s just say alive in what context! Glad you skirted past them pesky aliens whose technological advances may or may not be so advanced!!! The Trickster is amongst us again.

  4. KYLE Katz says:

    You’ve Returned from the land of Oz? May the wizard resume is rightful place in the emerald city. Now the magic can commence again.Welcome back home.(and you did this without clicking your heels?)

  5. Thorn
    Thorn says:

    This is a private message for Mike Stang. I tried to email him but I was rejected in cyberspace and I don’t have another email address for him. So unles you are Mike Stang, do not read this email. If you are Mike Stang, please send me a current email address…thanks
    Hi Mike
    I just want to thank you for
    keeping the motor running while those aliens had their way with me. I
    was down to two servings of Ramen noodles before I was able to turn on
    the spigot. Amazing times, huh? Not the script I had written for
    myself in my twenties (or thirties or forties or fifties)

    I appreciate all you have done for me and what you continue to
    do for the site and all our friends. Still have your trophy…next
    money comes in maybe on Monday and I will stick it in the male–oops!–MAIL!! (Damn those aliens!)

    yerman
    thorn

  6. Mac Eagan says:

    I’ve decided I’m not talking to you.
    You went on vacation with aliens and did not invite any of the rest of us.

    Welcome back.

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